It's as if Facebook knew that I'm now sans uterus with its targeted ads today. A site I've never heard of before, Modlily, showed up in my feed with a cute shift dress (aka a dress made of lots of shapeless fabric). It also had pockets and was only $25. I immediately clicked on that link and it took me to a site full of shift dresses in solid colors all of which were accentuated with a statement necklace as a way to detract from the fact that the dress is basically a lightly tailored sheet. After immediately adding three dresses to my cart, a sinking feeling set in. Am I that woman now? The one I feared in my early 30s by urging my best friend to kill me as soon as I started shopping at Chicos.
Facebook's saw the signs before I did - kid in college, frequenting hysterectomy blogs, liking NYT's cauliflower recipes and inspiring, uplifting videos. I was moving into a new fashion phase. No longer concerned with procreation, I'm now free to live my best life dressed in complete comfort. And as I checked out with my three new dresses, I acknowledged for like the 100th time this year that I'm a living, breathing cliche.
I'm hoping tomorrow Facebook hits me up with the signature necklace site to complete my new barren look. I'm an overachiever, so I'm shooting to be the best damn version of the stylish middle-age woman wearing a sheet with a cool necklace.