When you're scared, comfort can be found in making a cross stitch rose with a bubble bee on it. That's what I told E yesterday anyway. The last news that CIA has evidence Russia interfered in our election, Trump's ridiculous response to that news, his lack of participation in security briefings and picking a Putin friend as our secretary of state, has me scared. I'm truly fearful for what happens next to our world, our country, my city and my own family in a world where the president elect lies go unchecked and our country is so divided that even the threat of a foreign country interfering in our election barely raises a peep from Republicans.
I try to think back to times I've been scared before to remind myself that it happens and how I survived the uncertainty and fear. When the economy melted down in 2008, I was on maternity leave after having our third son. I had planned to take a long leave and slowly return back to work, but since E owns a small business I changed plans, went back to work sooner than planned to do a marketing trip to a potential client in Toronto. Ultimately that meeting led to a client relationship that would allow me a few years later to start my own consulting business - a long held dream of mine. The hard work I would put in because driven by the fears of not being able to support our growing family led to the most successful professional experience of my career.
Or just last year, when I was just diagnosed and undergoing treatment. Time takes on a different flow when you're sick - both for you and people visiting you. Comfort was found in my friends stopped by to check in on me. Sitting in the room with cancer quickly moves conversation from the superficial to the deeper essential topics of our existence.
And last year when wiped out physically from treatment but panic and fear ruled my mind, I started cross stitching again. It had been over 30 years since I last created pictures with thread by making simple x patterns. The last time I picked up a cross stitch needle, I was devout teenage Christian working my way through the Precious Moments cross stitch collection. (I remember making this one. Thanks internet for your memory support services). The act of making something beautiful from a simple process repeated over and over calmed my mind.
I'm still scared but this week I will be found in the company of others working hard together to sort through the new reality this election has brought.
I'm still scared but I will be found with my needle and thread making beauty out of the smallest of things.